I sit here illuding sleep once again... since the birth of my son, my first child, moments of quiet time to myself have been few and far between. That is okay, I adore him. I do find that quiet time spent absolutely by myself with myself is of great importance to my sanity on the other hand. Even though tired, my body will not allow me sleep until I have spent time in the quiet stillness that only the rarer hours of the night can bring. I am not distracted by to do lists nor am I pulled outside into the sunshine to play in the garden. I am here. I am faced with myself.

Tonight I am reflecting on the unfolding of my life so far... the leaps and bounds I have made with my personal character building are exciting to see. Also, I notice the things that still remain (like my tendency to eat things I shouldn't during this time of sleepless night, and then have a 2nd of said thing.)

Tonight the moon is beginning to wane, as is my desire to work on house projects. We bought this home three years ago on foreclosure. Everything needed fixing/replacing/remodeling and so did our lives. We moved from Oregon to Indiana on a whim, an underlying feeling of dread for the economy in Oregon and a strong desire for adventure. We are so blessed. It turned out better than expected in most areas. Again, like our lives, the house is about half way remodeled, maybe a little more than that. I have to wonder, will we ever be done? Our dreams are so big yet our budget we keep so small... Sometimes I think that is what these sleepless nights are all about...

So, I reached the latest ultimate goal. Motherhood. It is more than I expected on all levels. Especially, more joy and more work than I ever imagined. Yet there are so many more goals. I have to wonder, will we ever be done? Yet, who wants to be done? Finished? All desires met, all tasks complete.

So, my mind keeps me up dreaming new dreams, setting new goals and remembering the joy of working towards something of great importance, to myself. And, it is okay if what is important to me changes.