Living with a full heart...
By the wisest of beings a message has been repeatedly sent to me this week.

Speak your truth, without apologies...

This can be a difficult task for someone so eager to please everyone else. It has been a long walk learning to let go of past conditioning. When you are learning about life little rivers of synapses form in your brain until eventually they are so trained that it takes conscious will to pull those thought patterns in a different direction. This is where affirmations come in handy. You are in essence re-training your brain's pattern of thought.

When you are in a room filled with spirit and people exclaiming God's glory through out your young life... you miss it when life shifts. You miss the comfort of someone else telling you what to believe. You miss the ease of someone telling you what is your truth...

It is a brave thing to face the world empty handed. To say to God/Creator, I believe in you, I know you are there but these teachings in the bible are often not consistent with the loving being I know you to be.

I tell you this, if anyone tells you they know the truth absolutely they are lying. No one knows any better than you yourself know and no one can know you like you can know yourself.

I propose a church of gratitude be formed. A church spent entirely in being grateful.
Ahhhhhhhhhh, it would be nice, aye? Singing joyfully without the constant guilt of not living up to someone's standards.

Finally, it is better to be "good" for the sake of being good rather than being "good" for the sake of earning a place in heaven. A place in heaven is such a limiting motivation and Creator, Creator is limitless.
Living with a full heart...
The way the sunlight hits her hair and she smiles at Gideon, I see my mother... and my heart aches that some time she will be gone. This could be her last moment with me or my son... Refocusing those eyes and thoughts I look at my son and think that someday he will be grown, someday I won't be here with him in the physical form... He will grow and change, as will I. Buddy, our dog, comes tumbling up for a pat on the head. I think it a wonder that these hands have touched him through so many phases in life and that some time, much sooner than I would like, he will be gone from this earth as well.

Back to these hands... how they have aged...

Why, why is it I am stuck thinking this way lately. Everything is so beautiful but painfully so.

As I type this I am reminded of the Stevie Nicks song, Landslide... can I handle the seasons of my life? I have barely left the season of maiden and I mourn for it so... I hope my spirit and joyfulness can stand the tests of time.

That is it. I just had to get some of these thoughts out.